.....the first quest

on saturday sir tony and sir stephen set forth on the journey that would take them to their first quest north of the border. they were joined by sir john of segiston a worthy knight to join them upon this quest as he had embarked on such quests before. the journey north upon cee-ar-vee was fairly eventless which much idle banter passing between the knights as they contemplated the next day.

they set themsleves down in a lodging house known only as 'travelodge' where the unusual tongue of the natives proved difficult for sir tony of wark to understand when his request for more sugar for the tea tray seemed to fall upon deaf ears... however extra sugar was provided so maybe this was more a change of dialect than of language. they left behind their chattels in 'travelodge' and went out in search of a tavern to partake of food and drink to provide energy for the quest. the place they stumbled upon was more of a hut than a tavern in which they sold a strange bread based food named pizza; a new delicacy from a far off land named italy. their serving wench carrie provided much cheer, food, and merriment for our intrepid knights and they feasted upon pizza and drank a brew known only as 'pep-cee'. for the paltry sum of one and a half groats their glasses were repeatedly charged with this mystical brew without recourse to providing the serving wench with more money. happy they returned to 'travelodge' where they endured sleep that was restless due to the knowledge of the quest that lay ahead and not helped in part by the extreme snoring of brave knight stephen.

the awoke to an overcast day, boarded cee-ar-vee and journeyed the few miles to that great city of edinburgh. they found themselves upon the start line with other brave knights and many ladies..... and so the quest began to he sound of a dragon screaming to herald the start. the dragon's name im told was 'klaxon'

initially the miles drifted by steadily with our knights running a mile every nine and a half minutes; a time their training had well prepared them for. sir stephen was clearly not on top form from the off for a reason that remains a mystery. they headed out of the city and ran the most part of the quest along the rugged scottish coastline. as the miles increased so did the sunshine and the temperature. a mystic even occurred at 18 miles when sir stephen bravely turned to sir tony and stated that he was "struggling a bit" with sir tony responding to say he was "feeling chipper". immediately at this point sir stephen became sprightly of step and sir tony's legs turned to to lead. it is a strange yet wonderful beast this 'marathon'!

at strategic points around the quest serfs were in abundance cheering on the knights and furnishing them with water and luk-oooz-aide. this kept up the spirits of our brave adventurers until at about 21 miles tony cried out in anguish "i must traverse slower brave sir stephen, on you go and slay the beast named marathon alone. i will join you as soon as i can to feast upon it's entrails". and off brave sir stephen went and he did verily slay the beast. his integrity does not allow him to say this was easy infact his running over the last two miles was more 'falling forward' than runnning but at 4 hours 21 minutes he defeated the demonic marathon!!

he utilised a speaking device that transmits thoughts from one person unto another through the mists of the sky and on hearing the voice of his maiden christine and his son prince luke of nagsfold the emotion overwhelmed him and he broke down into tears of joy shouting aloud "i have slain the beast marathon and now will journey home to be with you verily of this eve. make ready my bed and a cup of tea"

sir john had slain his demon marathon some 2 minutes before sir stephen and the clock piece upon their wrists showed that sir tony had arrived 2 minutes after sir stephen. however some strange corruption of time, no doubt brought about by the witches of the north, meant sir tony was at their meeting place before sir stephen. the knights await the official results on wednesday of this week to see what vexatious curse came upon them to create such a mystery.

their achievement will go down in the annals of history and is unlikely to be repeated for as sir stephen sits here and relates this tale he is vexed by pain beyond measure.

their second quest awaits two weeks from now when they will take on "coasttocoast"

footnote: sir stephen recalls how support of the finest order came from his minstrel friends karl of jamestwotimes, a minstrel who beats rhythms upon the skins of animals, and peter of hyde who plays upon many instruments in a post renaissance troupe named vessels. their wishes and concerns were a thing of beauty, conveyed through the airwaves by a strange power named 'ess-emmm-ess', and sir stephen thanks them for this, verily and forsooth.